This week, we’re all about conspiracy theories. Or…are we?!
Why did we choose conspiracy theories for episode #3? Because aliens.
Okay, enough of that…
Join us as we talk about the strange things people believe and how we all have a little conspiracy theorist in us. Listen to Christopher talk about the time he picked up Nano-Jesus in a parking lot and attempted to drive him to his ultimate destiny in North Texas. Shawn talks about his strange trip to Area 51…well, as close as one can get to Area 51 without bad things happening. We also talk about living in Dallas, where people still debate about who really killed Kennedy. Somewhere along the way, we even talk about how beneficial conspiracy theories can be to one’s writing. It’s the podcast the government doesn’t want you to hear! (Not really, but that sounds better than, “It’s an hour of conspiracy madness!”)
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Telling Nano Jesus “If you touch the bag, I will kill you.” I don’t know why that’s funny, but it is. Great line.
I was a huge fan of The X-Files (until the ventured into Y and Z territory). The chemistry between Scully and Mulder made the show, IMO.
I know a few hard-core CTs. My in-laws believe Obama is a Kenyan Muslim. They also believe global warming is a hoax. And the list goes on. But they would substitute the word “know” for the word “believe.”
The inter-dimensional greys conspiracy theory sounds like a fun one. BTW “Monsanto” is an anagram for “Stan Moon.” “Stan” is an abbreviation of “Stanley,” which is a surname meaning “stone clearing.” So, obviously, the inter-dimensional greys (which EVERYBODY has at least seen or heard of) are popping out of a stone clearing on the Moon to control Earthlings via GMOs. That would be my CT. 😉
CMS: Thanks for the great reply. I think you totally win on the conspiracy theory you’d embrace — that’s wonderful stuff right there! Anytime you can tie aliens into it (especially aliens from the moon or Mars), it’s conspiracy gold. Thrown in anagrams and code, which we really didn’t talk about, and it clear that you must be right! 🙂
Nanotech Jesus. I used to hang out with a friend who worked the overnight shift at a gas station. The guy came in with his gym bag and went straight for the bathroom. My friend and I had read William Gibson’s “Johnny Mnemonic,” which begins: “I put the shotgun in an Adidas bag and padded it out with four pairs of tennis socks…” We really expected him to step out and rob the store…or just shoot us for kicks. Instead, he’d washed up a bit in the sink, and then babbled a bit, asking if he could get a ride to his “destiny.” He left and sat at the far side of the parking lot.
I used to do damn near anything on a dare, so my friend dared me to offer him a ride to wherever it was he wanted to go. I went out and talked with him — that’s when he told me he was Jesus and could cure people on a microscopic level. I offered him the ride and away we went. About fifteen minutes in, he asked me to pull over. He said he wanted to show me his “art.” He reached for the gym bag.
I asked what was in the bag, and he said, “Something special.” Then he added, “It’s my art. Pull over and I’ll show it to you.”
I soooooooooooooo wanted to know what was in the bag, but his demeanor had totally changed, just like that. It was more like Charles Manson Jesus in his eyes than Nanotech Jesus that was kind of there before. That’s when I told him if he touched the bag that I’d kill him. It was a matter of protection at that point. He kept trying to sneak back to the bag. He’d look at me, stretch, and then…slowly stretch toward the bag. It was one of the times I used my size and voice to my advantage, yelling at him, telling him I’d kill him if he even so much as reached for the bag! For all I know, he wanted to show me something beautiful and he was thinking, “People say don’t pick up hitchhikers…it’s more like don’t ride with people who would pick up hitchhikers; this guy is nuts and turning violent!”
I dropped him off as soon as I could do it in a vaguely public place. If there was a weapon in the bag, he could have grabbed it on the side of the dark road. In the light of a Waffle House, I told him to get out, reminding him that any sudden move would result in me hurting him worse than anything he could do to me with whatever it was he had in his bag.
I never offered a ride to a stranger again.
Charles Manson Jesus YIKES! That’s one scary story.
The second of the 2 times I accepted a ride from a stranger (really dumb thing to do, I know), ended with me taking a bus home. This was in Hawaii. The guy offered to give me a ride home, and I figured since it was right in the neighborhood, he’d do just that. As soon as I got into his car, he said he had to get gas first. In keeping with your hitchhiker / Jesus theme, I’d say he turned into “Menacing Pothead Jesus,” which is quite an odd combination.
Every time we’d pass a gas station, he’d say, “No, not this one.” Then he asked me, “Do you burn?” through clenched teeth.
I said, “I don’t know what that is.”
He said, “You know, smoke weed.”
I said, “No, I don’t smoke anything.”
Then he was silent. I kept telling him he could just let me out at the side of the road, and I’d take a bus home. Finally I guess he got tired of hearing me say that, and he pulled over and let me out. Saved! Hallelujah.
Great episode! It really is fascinating, like you guys mentioned. I enjoy watching alien stuff although some of the things I’ve been seeing on History Channel are just weird. Timely too, since I’ve been working through X Files on Neftlix again. 😉
Oh man, I remember Nano-Jesus! And I remember you returning to the gas station to talk about it and our imaginations went nuts talking about ‘what if…’
Then it started raining and we decided it was this big once a millennial good vs evil battle to determine the fate of Earth…
As for JFK conspiracy being lax in DFW. Go to Dealey Plaza during the day. There’s at least 3-4 tables set up with people pulling tourists aside to talk to them about it.
It has toned down somewhat since the 80s, and maybe that’s just distance between when it happened and now. But back in the 80s I remember our lawyer friend talking about there used to be (still?) a History course offered at UTA for one semester dedicated to JUST the JFK conspiracy.
Yep, Nano-Jesus was a trip!
Dealey Plaza has toned definitely toned down some. I moved down in ’84 and expected it to be totally nuts. There were definitely people down there (still are; in fact one of the more prominent guys just won the right to sell his little self-published booklets to tourists), but it wasn’t quite what I expected. It was more in chatting with people that I heard the conspiracies — it wasn’t all over the place like I imagined. I’m guessing Shawn had the same feeling when moving down a year and a half ago.
Of course, to be fair, when I moved down in ’84, I was surprised I didn’t see tumbleweeds and tall cacti 🙂 So my imagination perhaps built up unfair expectations 😉